Sexual Abuse

Learning the Signs and Supporting the Survivors

Sexual abuse, particularly child sexual abuse is distressingly commonplace. By the time a child turns 18, approximately 3-7 % of boys and 2-5% of girls will be the victims of child sexual abuse. Signs of sexual abuse aren’t always readily apparent. Physical signs aren’t often evident. Physical injury to genitalia and rectal bleeding are indicative of sexual abuse, but far more often the signs of sexual abuse manifest themselves in behavioral symptoms similar to Post Traumatic Stress Disorder. Anxiety, sleeplessness, or depression may be indicators of child sexual abuse. A knowledge of sex that’s out of line with what a child should be aware of or frank sexual discussion from a child are the most readily apparent indicators that the child has been a victim of child sexual abuse.

Stories of sexual abuse should never be discounted or dismissed. Children are often reticent to talk about sexual abuse, and if they share stories of sexual abuse, take action immediately. In most cases, the perpetrator of sexual abuse isn’t a stranger, and the violation of trust and the physical and emotional damage wrought have effects that can last a lifetime. The victims of child sexual abuse who have the best chances of becoming sexual abuse survivors are those who get loving support and counseling as quickly after the trauma as possible. The trauma of both the sexual abuse and the lengthy legal proceedings that follow is tremendous. Sexual abuse survivors need all the support and nurturing that their loved ones can provide to make it through this time. Listening to stories of sexual abuse can help the healing process. When sexual abuse survivors know that there’s a compassionate, non-judgmental listener, they’re more likely to open up about their trauma and begin the healing process.

Sexual abuse survivors who don’t have an outlet for sharing their stories of sexual abuse are more likely to spiral into increasingly self-destructive behavior, or become abusers themselves. Some in the BDSM community participate in femdom sexual abuse to relive their childhood abuse and as their first exposures to sexual contact were violent and hurtful, femdom sexual abuse becomes the only way they know how to experience sexuality. By no means does enjoyment of BDSM indicate unhealthy sexuality – for most participants it’s a healthy fantasy life. However, if BDSM play degrades into unhealthy kink or femdom sexual abuse, the possibility that the extreme comes from childhood trauma is there.

Sexual abuse is something that can be recovered from – millions of sexual abuse survivors are walking testaments to that—but the effects of child sexual abuse don’t go away on their own. It takes time, love, and compassion to help a victim become a sexual abuse survivor. Tragically, sexual abuse will never go away, but if we can recognize the signs of sexual abuse and help the victims as soon as it’s identified, that will go a long way to helping them become sexual abuse survivors.